First of Many by Ashley Suzanne

Author:Ashley Suzanne [Suzanne, Ashley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ashley Suzanne Books
Published: 2017-10-26T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter 7

The First Fight

Glaring—and I mean the most awful glare known to man—at the small, white stick on the counter, another round of depression and extreme disappointment washes over me. There’s no damn reason this fucker shouldn’t have turned pink.

For the last thirty days, we’ve been doing everything we could find online, in magazines, and even tossed in a few old wives’ tales and religious theories for good measure, and still … blue. My new least-favorite color in the entire history of pigment. Rowan hasn’t given himself a hand in the last month, and my legs should be permanently glued to the wall as many times as I stick them up there to keep the stuff inside. Hell, I have a fucking fertility goddess statue in my backyard.

We’ve. Tried. Everything.

Yet, here I am sitting on a closed toilet, staring at a pinkless stick while my amazing husband paces on the other side of the door, his sock-covered feet wearing a clear path in the carpeting. Oh, and with each shuffle, my resolve cracks a little bit more. Just like every time we’ve rinsed and repeated this process, I’m going to get to step out of the bathroom only to watch his hope and dream of having a son to toss a football with, or daughter to adore, fly straight out the window.

I’m not just letting myself down, I’m destroying my husband one negative pregnancy test at a time. And that’s the part that hurts most—not giving him a child—even more than my own desires to be a mother.

“Charlie,” he whispers, rapping on the barrier between us. “The timer went off, baby,” he reminds me, as if my eyes haven’t been glued to the little window, praying for the second line—the pink one—to appear. Like I wouldn’t have burst out the door and jumped into his arms the moment I realized we were going to be parents.

“I know,” I respond with some semblance of chipper left in my voice. I’m not wanting to lead him on. Instead, I’d rather give him another minute of possibility before I break the news … again.

“No matter what, it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay, Charlie. Do you hear me?”

Every time he says the same thing, and I think he really means it. Only problem with his logic—he’ll mean it until he finally has enough and comes to the conclusion his desire to be a father outweighs his overwhelming need to be cautious of my feelings. Once he’s done protecting me, then what? I’ll be left childless and husbandless.

“It’s negative.” My heart falls when the words leave my mouth.

“We’ll keep trying. That’s the fun part, right?” I can hear the sadness behind the playful tone he’s attempting to portray. I can’t keep doing this to him. Me.

“Rowan,” I sigh, unable to do this right now. I need a little while—enough to get myself together.

“I mean it, Charlie. I know it’s not what we hoped for, but it’ll happen at the right time. Come out here, please.”

“Please, just don’t, Rowan.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.